No matter where you are in the world of weed, you can always count on Twitter to provide timely, insightful, and just plain funny commentary that is joyously — and painfully — relatable. We all enjoy the stoner's life, but that doesn't mean it isn't fraught with its own set of challenges, trials, tribulations, and hilarious blunders.
Here are the must-see weed tweets that illustrate how it's hard out there for a stoner.
When You Hit the Blunt Too Hard
When u hit the blunt too hard & u choke for two straight minutes but now it's your turn again & you have to act like you're not dying pic.twitter.com/kQnwuw50D6
— Stoned 2 the Bone (@stoned2thabones) July 14, 2018
Ah, the ancient art of holding it all in when you hit that blunt too hard — a necessary evil for generations of tokers.
Cereal: Friend or Foe?
@highandhippie The other day I fixed a bowl of cereal and put the milk under the sink. #TooStonedForLife
— Montana Mountain Man (@OpsImHighAgain) November 8, 2013
The late-night munchies can be a true test of a stoner's home-navigation skills — especially when cereal is involved. From the kitchen cupboards to the pantry shelf, to the cold, dark cave under your sink — a stoner's domicile can become a minefield of places to absent-mindedly leave a carton of milk, loaf of bread, or a tub of butter when in the throes of a dank-ass sesh.
Can't Taste my Grilled Cheese with All This Racket
"One time I got so high I had to turn down my TV because I couldn't taste my Grilled Cheese" - University of Missouri Kansas City
— High Storytime (@TheTimeIGotHigh) July 29, 2014
Speaking of munchies, here's something every seasoned stoner knows: Sometimes you get so lit you have to resort to some good ol' fashioned irrational behavior just to enjoy a grilled cheese.
— Stoner Quotes (@QuotesofaStoner) May 20, 2014
The elusive lighter — an essential stoner's tool so prone to disappearing it must have stood up and run away.
Wake and Bake Gone Wrong
— Sara R (@poker_sara) July 29, 2018
A sadder sight we've never seen — the makings of a great wake-and-bake, swiftly changed by the cruel hand of fate into a puddle of broken dreams.
High as Duck
Can you relate?? #stonerhumor #420humor #humor #dankmemes #weedmemes #weedhumor #high_larry_us #maryjane #420life #iwillmarrymary #stoner #gethigh #stonerdaily #stonerproblems #pothead #wakeandbake #fourtwenty #highaf #high #weshouldsesh #weshouldsmoke #thc #cbd #baked #stoned pic.twitter.com/U8dnS2lbJp
— Green Goddess Supply (@GreenGoddessSup) October 12, 2018
That goddamn autocorrect, amiright? Just when you thought your phone knew you well enough to know you're high AF often, and high as “duck” … never.
When You High AF and the Internet Becomes Rocket Science
— ;issa queen✨ (@_Stonerlyfe_) July 14, 2014
Don't worry, you may be stoned, but eventually, you'll figure out how to use the Internet again. It may just take a few extra steps, such as staring deeply into the pixels on your screen for 20 minutes and typing out some nonsense.
Wherever You Go, Weed Will Follow
— 💓 sammi sweet-heart 💓 (@samasorex) May 11, 2019
Wearing your stoner's badge with pride is one thing.
'Where my vape pen at?! Jk it's right here.'
Ok I have no idea where my vape pen is I have looked everywhERE AND I JUST. SAW IT. pic.twitter.com/3jMBVVYHjS
— ♡ Chяis ♡ (@HowChrisCsIt) May 20, 2019
Those pesky vape pens — second only to lighters in their ability to get lost and found, and lost and found again.
The Lighter Strikes Back
— Herb (@Herbworthy) November 6, 2017
How many times has your lighter abandoned you only to hook up with your friends? You deserve better.
That 9-to-5 Life
When your boss calls a last-minute Friday meeting and you jumped the gun on your edible. pic.twitter.com/5I1SuNKScS
— Birddogs (@birddogs) March 3, 2017
Whoops. Honestly, though, your boss should have known better.
A Major Solution to a Minor Inconvenience
Me lighting a blunt after a minor inconvenience pic.twitter.com/BBA8kc2vt4
— Stoned 2 the Bone (@stoned2thabones) March 13, 2018
When all else fails, light a blunt and don't let the small stuff get you down.